Hey DJ, Over Here
The following is a list of things that will invariably happen to you if you plan on being the DJ for a crowd at a fraternity/sorority, based on factual events that have repeatedly happened to me in my experience with the particular demographic of California college students. I can offer you my guarantee that these things will happen, regardless of who or where you are, without exception.
1. There is a theme
This doesn’t make much of a difference to you. Instead of dealing with regular whores, you have to deal with pirate whores. Or whores from the 60s. In any case, the decorations that are loosely scotch-taped to the wall fall off and cause a huge disruption on the dance floor. If there is an “era” theme, you are handed a carefully planned out list of songs that are relevant to the time. You don’t play them.
2. There is a soundsystem, but it is horribly damaged in some way
After you carefully explain to the fraternity brothers that the big speakers they plug their iPod into is actually a sophisticated PA system, there will be some initial confusion. You need to find the one frat brother that knows about “that technical shit.” Unfortunately, he’s currently upstairs and in the middle of a bout of “Edward 40-Hands,” and can’t help you. You fumble around a bit with the amplifier and discover that one channel is severely damaged and can’t be used without destroying the ears of hundreds of guests. You use it anyway.
3. Drunk whores spill beer on your equipment
This will happen. No exceptions. Usually when they are dropping by to politely request some “NorCal hyphy shit.” You consider hermetically sealing yourself in a plastic bubble next time.
4. The guy who “knows what he’s doing” with your equipment
You see him eyeing your equipment. He tells you about his setup at home, and the killer mix he just put out. He won’t go away until you let him do a mix, so you hand him the headphones. He fails; everyone glares at you like it’s your fault.
5. Mac Dre comes back from the dead
Or, at least, your guests think that he will if they request him half a dozen more times. Since every Mac Dre MP3 in existence is labeled incorrectly, you can’t find any of the songs that get requested, so you put “Thizzle Dance” on repeat. Nobody notices.
6. Your guests decide that the DJ booth is also the designated coat check
You make the mistake of letting one girl put her coat/purse behind your table, and suddenly there’s a mound of clothes where your chair should be. At some point, a girl loses her phone and frantically tries to get your attention to locate it. You find it at the end of the night and send her friends text messages about getting pregnant.
7. Somebody is not pleased and wants your attention
If you play hiphop, this person wants house. If you play house, they want *Swedish* house. You can’t win, and they want to tap you on the shoulder to let you know.
8. They just wanted an iPod the whole time
Surprise!
